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Dr Phil in his effective parenting
survey of 17,000 people found that the two top challenges facing
parents were making punishment work and improving school performance.
In my experience as a class teacher and coach I have noticed
that the biggest obstacle to maintaining effective discipline
within the home is a lack of constructive, consistency discipline.
Effective discipline should be positive, constructive and for
correction rather than punitive. Many parents look upon discipline
as a last resort when they are in a rage and therefore were confused
and inconsistent in their use of Time Out.
Picture this! Your child is screaming
like you are killing him, arms flaying wildly feet thrashing
around. You feel angry and frustrated and you'd like to respond
by shouting back at him or worse still giving him a swift slap
on the bottom. Does this resonate with you? Well I've experienced
this many times too. Tantrums are unfortunately horribly normal.
Most young children have tantrums, throw toys, bite or stamp
when they are frustrated. Although embarrassing and irritating,
when dealt with calmly by using effective discipline techniques
most children grow out of it. Time Out is often over used by
parents who have not thought up other discipline strategies.
Be Consistent
it is vital that your child knows that you always follow through.
Children don't like being ignored
so if your child is behaviour is petty ignore him or her. For
difficult behaviour that cannot be ignored, and for children
who regularly disobey their parents Time Out can be useful if
used correctly. The purpose of time out is to calm your child
down and interrupt difficult behaviour. If a child is hysterical
Time Out may not be the best solution. Research shows that Time
Out is most effective for children three to six years of age.
Time Out is inappropriate for children under two.
Time out is only effective
when:
· The adult remains calm
· The child understands in advance about Time Out
· It is viewed as a calming measure
· It is not over used
To use Time out as an effective
parenting technique I suggest the following guidelines. Children
must be told clearly which behaviours lead to Time Out. Parent
cannot change the rules on a whim or when they are angry. For
example if the rules are Time Out is used for biting, hitting
and throwing things you cannot decide to send your child to Time
out for refusing to eat her carrots at meal time. Remind her
that Time Out is a way of helping her to calm down and behave
better. Children should be shown where the time out area is in
advance.
Choose a safe, quiet boring place.
Hallways, bottom step, chair facing a wall or a small rug are
all suitable Time Out places. It is always a good idea to have
a back up room to send your child if he refuses to stay in the
Time Out area. Remember
Time Out is not a punishment so don't use a scary place such
as a dark cupboard or cellar.
To be effective Time Out needs
to be short about three minutes for a three-year-old, four minutes
for a four year old, a minute for each year of a child's life.
When your child has been quiet
for about two minutes invite him to come out. If your child refuses
to come out don't cajole or nag simply ignore him, he will join
you when he is ready. Ask your child for an apology. It is important
at this point to discuss calmly and pleasantly what has happened
don't lecture. Many parents omit the final phase - the discussion.
It is in fact the most important part of the using Time Out effectively
because during the discussion the child is taught the correct
way to behave. Finally give your child a hug to reassure him
that you still love him. This is how to use time out as an effective
parenting technique.
Copyright 2006 Living Your Best
Life
Henri Joyce is an experienced
teacher and coaches effective
parenting and parenting through divorce. She teaches a effective
parenting techniques at the University Of Masters. To claim some
valuable downloads and newsletters on effective parenting, you
can subscribe to her popular newsletter at: http://www.effectiveparenting.co.uk
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