|
Ever been confused by all the overwhelming
information and different strategies to cure premature ejaculation?
Let me show you the top 5 misleading
suggestions I've uncovered on the web.
Many common 'solutions' to prevent
premature ejaculation are completely counterproductive.
Anyone who is familiar with my writing
or my work as a sexual healer will understand what I mean.
To successfully treat premature ejaculation
or increase sexual stamina it is important to experience a sexual
moment deeply and completely.
Many of the premature ejaculation
remedies available today come from the opposite perspective.
Let's run through a few of these
techniques that take you further away from sexual fulfillment
and satisfaction.
1. Numbing Creams
/ Sprays / Extra condoms
Numb says it all. What's the point
of sex if you're not really feeling it.
Your partner doesn't want a human
vibrator. Trust me, there's a time for toys and there's a time
for a real live man.
I don't want mine with extra layers
of latex and dead nerve endings thankyou very much. When I have
a man inside me I want to know he is feeling it!
Plus, I've heard that that those
numbing potions can affect the woman during sex.
Imagine that, two people going through
the motions without feeling it!
2. Distracting Yourself
A lot of folklore about male sexual
performance revolves around the idea of delaying orgasm by distracting
yourself.
Thinking about your mother-in-law
or sports, biting your cheek etc are all methods I have heard
of or read about at some time or another.
Turning off your arousal temporarily
is not the same as mastering it.
And again, if you only able to have
sex by thinking about boring or distasteful things, how much
fun is it going to be?
This is a bad habit to get into.
You don't want to train yourself to get bored and distracted
when you are in the middle of hot lovin'.
No woman is ever going to be interested
in a man who can't focus on the matter at hand.
Especially if she figures out you
are thinking about your mother-in-law!!
3. Masturbation
This is an interesting one. Remember
that scene in 'Something About Mary' where he 'clears the pipes'
before his big date to avoid seeming desperate.
I have read that it is a good thing
before sex to have a pre-emptive orgasm in order to delay the
main event.
I'd like to examine this a bit closer
to see where this isn't helpful and maybe highlight when it is.
Anxiety and stress about the impending
sexual experience, thinking about the possibility of embarrassing
yourself by coming too soon and focusing on the negatives of
your sexual performance WHILE you masturbate is extremely unhelpful.
Building a regime of this can be
very damaging. It will have the effect of eroticising and reinforcing
these aspects.
You will associate orgasm even more
with the stress and performance anxiety that is already a problem.
However masturbating as part of
a relaxed regime of self-pleasure and self-love can be very helpful.
As long as your masturbation is
not tied to your sexual performance it can be an enriching part
of your sex life.
In particular using self-pleasure
to more fully explore your sexual arousal levels, orgasms, and
control is the first step to deepening your awareness of sex.
4. Muscle Control
Some techniques are like shaolin
kung-fu disciplines that prescribe pelvic floor exercises.
The theory is that with enough muscle
strength and control you can prevent ejaculation escaping.
By catching it with intense muscle
contractions! Pretty spectacular stuff hey?
In reality it's a bit like shutting
the gate after the horse has bolted.
Wouldn't you rather devote your
time to exercises that help you understand your arousal levels
so you can control the orgasm beforehand, and not just the fluid
after the fact.
And by the way, from what I gather
it's extremely difficult to achieve anyway.
5. Alcohol / Drugs
Relying on alcohol or drugs before
you initiate a sexual encounter is a definite no no.
Alcohol ultimately depresses your
nervous system. And so depresses your ability to feel and maintain
an erection.
It is certainly the last thing you
want to rely on for great sex.
It may seem that you might loosen
up your inhibitions temporarily.
From the point of view of sexual
stamina, forget it!
And drugs - recreational or therapeutic.
Some may give the illusion of increased sexual performance.
But ultimately it is your level
of awareness, your level of consciousness, your level of presence
as a man that makes all the difference.
I don't want you to think I'm a
complete prude. This stuff isn't terrible in and of itself. I
like the odd glass of champagne as much as the next girl.
But my point is this. Using any
or all of these techniques as the basis of your premature ejaculation
cure will fail. It could actually make the situation worse.
Relying on these things will lead
you further from your true goal of sexual mastery and control
of your orgasms.
The only way to become a master
of your sexuality is to go deeper into your sexual experiences,
not further away.
Learn about your body and orgasmic
arousal by focusing on them.
Don't shut your sexuality down in
the quest for the 'appearance' of sexual mastery.
A man with a numb penis, thinking
about sports, thrusting for an hour, is about as far from a master
as you can get.
Love,
Mukee Okan
Copyright 2009 Mukee Okan
Mukee Okan is a world renowned sexual
therapist and spiritual guide. HER MISSION is to educate and
inspire sexual freedom, so people can open and surrender to self-love
and self-awareness and experience full presence and intimate
connection. Visit http://www.erectilejaculation.com
|
